I'm beginning to realize that christianity doesnt make sense to me. Wicca on the other hand, does but I have this fear to let go of Jesus Christ... when you went through your time of confusion and conversion, did you have this similar feeling? A fear that if you start to follow something that you actually believe instead of what you've been taught that somehow you'll go to hell? I know it sounds crazy but I cant help it, what did you do to get past that?
No, I really didn't. First of all, hell was never a big issue in my house. Christianity was more about God's love and sacrifice and how he wanted us to live. Also, while I distinctly remember wanting to be raptured around age six so I could meet Jesus in heaven, I also know that a few years later I started having panic attacks at the thought of death, and I was thinking of death as final. I don't think heaven or hell were really registering in my brain by then, even when I still believed in God and Jesus.
When I started questioning, it was really pretty matter of fact for me, which is just how my brain works. I'm being told to come to a certain conclusion. What is the supporting evidence? And I just wasn't coming up with any, and so I sort of shuffled the idea away as unsupported...and if God is unsupported, then his Hell is equally unsupported.
As an adult, I've really taken a liking to the writings of Thomas Jefferson, which include statements like if there is a just God, surely he wouldn't punish people for using their intellect and coming up with the wrong answer. I think unconsciously I probably thought similarly for a very long time now.
As far as "getting past it:" you can't force belief. You really can't, and it's really frustrating. There were a lot of times I came across things I wanted to believe in but kept coming up short. All you can do is continue studying. Either the evidence will eventually truly convince you, or it won't. And if it doesn't, then clearly your path lies in another direction.
Q of the D: Leaving Christianity
3/22/2010 03:28:00 AM | personal views, Question of the day, Wicca | 2 comments »
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I did have concerns for a while after converted, but over time I came to realize that it is not likely that any God would banish someone to hell for calling them by the wrong name. It is a very effective fear tactic that the Christians use. Many other religions promise some sort of punishment if you don't follow there path exclusivly, so your in trouble either no matter what you do.
I was raised in a church that put a lot of emphasis on their belief that only the people who were saved by Jesus were going to heaven, every one else would go to hell for eternity. Even as a child, and while I followed their religion, I questioned whether a god that would send his "only begotten son" to save humanity would really send most of the people he was supposed to love to eternal damnation. It just doesn't make sense. I always felt like god made himself available to every person, that everyone has a connection with the divine. I still believe that, even though my understanding of the nature of the Divine has evolved quite a bit.
A very wise friend recently told me that when you lead with your heart and make the best choices you can, even when you make a mistake you are still acting rightly. I think this applies to the asker's fears about hell. It's better to believe what you know is right in your heart - even if it turns out you missed the mark - then to act in bad faith and pretend to believe something you don't.